Most people don’t realize that a human being’s creativity stems from neither the mind, nor the heart. It is rare to see parents who spank their kids on the head, or punch them in the chest when the children get a little creative and act in ways that go against the norm. Rather, they tend to go directly for what seems to be the main source of all human imagination: the ass.
Just think about it, why else would an otherwise useless part of the human body have so much padding and protection?
A recent research study conducted by the University of Iowa shows that out of the 24,992 Americans that were stabbed last year, only 3 were stabbed in the ass.
This makes perfect sense from an evolutionary biologist’s perspective–the most vital organs are usually protected in the case of a predator attack.
Since Americans are more evolved and civilized than the citizens of other countries, it is logical that they choose to perform little physical labor that involves movement. Instead, they sit on their asses as much as humanly possible to ensure their survival.
“This likely explains the low knife-to-ass stab ratio present in the USA as compared to many eastern European countries,” says Steffan Eske, one of Tune Remedy’s lead researchers.
What science is trying to tell you (with all of these statistics and figures) is that any prior remedies you might have used to cure writer’s block failed because they targeted your brain–an organ quite distant from the true source of your problem.
Prescription:
Although for a catchy song it doesn’t really say much, Tune Remedy does believe that you can promote a healthy flow of thought by injecting Just Jack - Writer’s Block directly into your ass as necessary. There is no real answer as to how it works… Some scientists believe it has something to do with the rhythm which is rumored to have been precisely calculated using discrete mathematics to get the brain to release extra dopamine into the ass. Others think it has something to do with the fact that Just Jack is himself an ass–which really comes across in his music. Either way, you should probably give it a listen.
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Just Jack - Writer’s Block
Album: Overtones
Released: November 17, 2006
Can you think of a better song to remedy writer’s block? Have you ever gotten stabbed in the ass? Any general comments? Let us know!
