What I am about to tell you is quite the shitty conspiracy theory… but not in the regular sense.
Since early 2001, the thirty-fifth president of the United States, George W. Bush, has been implementing highly illegal, top secret governmental programs to steal and sell human byproducts. The idea: to utilize the state-of-the-art sewage, pipe, and drainage systems already in place to divert the path of human waste from treatment centers into the greedy hands of black market officials.
Wake up sheeple! For years, the Bush Administration has been stealing your shit right from under your nose. Did you know that San Francisco may rename their waste treatment plant after Bush? Sure shit happens, but this shit is no coincidence.
Here’s a little tidbit of info for ya: 1 pound of human waste can power a single family home for 2 days, or equivalently, provide enough energy for Soulja Boy to release 3 hit albums.
Is this not enough evidence for you? Just in case, here is some more:
- The economy is shit.
- Bush is full of shit
- Cheney is a shithead
- and saving the best for last: the shitty war that nobody wants to be a part of.
You’re probably wondering: what does the war have to do with any of this? EVERYTHING. This is no war for oil, this is a war for our shit, my friends. It has been brilliantly fabricated to keep you in a constant state of fear. The threat of terrorism was designed to make you shit your pants.
When asked to comment, a representative of the Bush Administration replied, “eat shit.”
I know, this is the part where I usually recommend a song for you to hear to make it all better. Well, the truth is no such song exists. You have to be the change you want to see in the world… even if it means getting your hands dirty (get it? with shit.)
Mothers, run out on your porches. Fathers, hold the American flag up high. Together, in unity, we will make our own song. As one, we will exclaim “don’t touch our shit! ”
Barrack Obama: the change (of pants) we need? We’ll see.
